Monday, May 15, 2006

You need a new toilet rep

It's the title of the article that catches my eye: "Malaysia wants to flush dirty toilet rep".


I really like the Malaysian toilets the way they are. Come on, people, Let's not change a thing, please. I enjoy searching endlessly for any available public toilet, and upon paying the 30 sen admission, finding that most of the toilet seats are gone. Even in the big, new, and obviously expensive malls. I get a warm, fuzzy feeling when I discover the only method available for cleansing oneself is a section of garden hose attached to a spigot. Or maybe just a spigot all by itself with a handy bucket nearby! Really, you can't beat that. Really.

Ok, I'm climbing out of the pit of infinite sarcasm now.

Not all is bad in the bathrooms of Malaysia. I do enjoy the squatter.

(where is the toilet paper?!?)

Seriously. I just don't like having to take all my clothes off to use one. The floor is always wet because it's cleaned by being hosed down (ever heard of a MOP??) so you have to take your pants off or they will get wet. There may be some Shaolin method for using the squatter but I am not aware of it. No one bothers to teach the AngMo how to use the toilet. And how does a person use a hose, or even more puzzling, a bucket, to clean their posterior? I guess I missed that class as well. LOL!

"If a toilet is a person (in Malaysia), he should protest to the Human Rights Commission because he is very unfairly treated," Lau said. That's the Housing Minister speaking. In order to help stop these toilet right violations, Lau is holding a conference. "Lau said the meeting would bring together local officials and international experts on toilet management, including the founder of the World Toilet Organization, Jack Sim".

Which organization again? Sweet. I had no idea there was a World Toilet Organization.
Apparantely Jack is a real pro when it comes to toilets.

Hey, I have an idea.... how about we CLEAN THEM!?!. And then, no wait, hear me out here... continue to KEEP THEM CLEAN!?!

In the meantime, I know exactly where I am going in order to use the public restrooms in Penang. First I'll go to Komtar. Then I'll enter the Store just across from the KFC on the main level. If you keep walking straight eventually you'll see an entrance off to your right for the Shangri-La Hotel! Ha Ha! Now I am in Ang mo country! No one asks me what I am doing when I walk in those doors and head for the bathrooms. Air conditioning, toilet seats, and TOILET PAPER! Ha Ha! Take that evil bathroom demons!
All they need now is a squatter.


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